Relief

Well, D-day arrived today, well, S-day...scan-day. Appointment at 3.20pm, we were sent home cos doc was 8 patients behind, finally got in at 5.45pm (all that extra waiting, on top of what i'd been bravely doing for 3 weeks...anxiety plus plus...but I did good, i'm proud to say!). Briefly sat down in the chair then shakily asked if I could move to the 'couch' so we could just get the important thing out the way without all the preamble. He understood, my lovely doc, and was quick to point out a brain growing, and a leg stump, and a little baby at perfect size for 8 weeks and 1 day, and then, even, movement visible to the eye in such a tiny creature. I asked about a heartbeat and he laughed kindly "there's no movement if no heartbeat...let me zoom in...there it is". I teared up, so so relieved. Tony sighed a huge sigh of emotion (I think partly relief that the baby is ok, mostly relief that he didn't have to see me go through hell again).

So WOW I'm pregnant and I can now be excited and happy and plan for the future a little. I can relax.

Still not feeling grand in the gut but it's easier, much easier, when I know it's for a reason.

And now, school holidays, Easter, a family trip down south...it's a good week! I SO SO didn't want this week to be spoilt by bad news today. I love Easter and have always done Easter Egg hunt and a letter from Easter Bunny, along with footprints and whatever other ideas come up that year. More for me than the kids I think...I love the magic of it. We missed out last year because I was in hospital all Easter weekend. We were going to have a Hunt afterward but it kinda felt like we missed the moment by the time I was better. Kids didn't realise but I did...and I was so scared of deja vu. And so determined that bad news or not, I wouldn't be too sad to enjoy our Easter.

But no fear now, only happiness and hope and joy and new life.

Aaahhh, I can breathe easy again.

Thankyou little baby for holding on tight and doing good. I am/We are so grateful to you.

PHEW and YAY!