Silence...and Magic

We just had a kid-free weekend, unplanned, accidental, thanks to a lovely offer from mum. It was meant to be one kid, but ended up being both because Mike surprised us all by choosing to go too.

We had no plans as such...rest and sleep being top priorities for us both.

                                                      Tony in heaven with his 4 beloved cats

I still woke up at 7am both mornings, but after a full night of sleep, I was happy with that. Tony woke up at 12 yesterday! Mike's eyes were wide as when we told him that tonight.

I watched a few dvds, some recorded programs, read some, indulged in my photobook habit, went through all my 'skinny' summer clothes and changed them to 'fat' winter clothes.

Spent alot of time in silence. No noise. No talking. No questions to answer. I do rather like silence.

Tony and I had quality time together, talking and being, and even attended a baby-head-wetting party kid-free. We walked there, holding hands, under the stars.

A perfect weekend.

By today, I was ready to go pick the kids up, spend some time at a community fair with them, laugh with them, marvel in how they find magic in everything, take photos of them and their big smiles at the magic around them.

I like silence...alot...

But I love my kids and all they bring to my life.

I'm glad for weekends apart from them, especially accidental ones where I didn't feel desperately overwhelmingly in need of it, to remind me how much I love them and need them.

They are truly the magic in my life.

                                                               "Look Mum, Fairy Dust!"

                                                  Beware, beginner driver in a PINK car!

                                                            Jumping, high...and loving it!

                                                      A merry-go-round never loses its charm!

                                                                 Sweet happy grin.

                                                          A bit of tug-of-war went down well

Amazing

12 weeks and 3 days....here's proof.

A perfect little bony body. 10 fingers with the thumb occasionally heading for the little mouth, lots of vertebrae (always fascinates me how clear the spine is!), all the right bones in legs and arms, a brain, a sweet nose, 2 knees, 2 elbows, A STRONG HEARTBEAT (159bpm), a very very active somersaulting little baby who seems to like laying on his/her tummy (like me...for now!).

Oh the relief...again.

I cried...again...happy tears.

I didn't realise how anxious I still was inside about trusting this pregnancy.

I've just realised that I probably have post-traumatic stress about pregnancy and wonder how many other millions of women around the world carry the same burden.

But since 2.45pm yesterday, I have felt lighter than I have in maybe 15 months.

I didn't know I carried a tight ball of heaviness but now I know because the difference I feel is almost palpable.

I look at this amazing photo everytime I go to the fridge and feel such awe.

It's real. It's really real. There is a live baby growing perfectly in my tummy.

Amazing.