No more babies?!

I've had a few hours home alone today...no husband, no kids, no tv, not even any music on. I was sorting out some stuff in the spare room and in Chelsea's room today, and started feeling a little introspective. For a start, the stuff in the spare room was boxes of books and journals and old calenders and letters and photo frames that I haven't seen since I left home over 10 years ago. Mum and Dad recently cleaned out their garage so that of course involved getting rid of stuff to me. I sorted alot of it into the bookshelf, some into the recycling bin, re-did some photos in frames and was feeling, i can't find the word, old and reflective but young again, remembering all that childhood/teenage stuff.
Then I moved to Chelsea's room, where all clothes that don't fit either child anymore have been thrown into boxes in semi-organised chaos over the last few months. I went through them all, reorganising into boxes, one for a friend with a baby girl, one for the Salvos, one for a cousin if she has a boy. Then I tidied up the clothes given to us for Chelsea in size 2, 3 and 4, all ready to go. Then I came across some baby stuff that last clean-up I kind of just left there not really knowing what to do with them.
I was already feeling rather reflective, now I started getting even more so, and a bit broody too.
I clutched the bassinet mattress cover to me for a minute before putting it in the box.
I held up the newborn Snug as a Bug and marvelled at how tiny it is, before putting it too in a box.
I shook out the Grobag that my children wore to bed nearly every night for a total of probably over 2 years between them, and reminisced over bedtimes and sleepless nights.
I folded the Jolly Jumper away in the box with a smile at remembering 4 month old chuckles.
Then I came to the slings and this is where it really hit me. I have owned about 5 different kind of baby carriers since becoming a mum. I LOVED carrying my babies around in a sling. From the laydown cradly sling, to the against-my-chest cosy sling, to the big bit of material that I learnt to drape in 4 different ways for different holds and ages. I carried them around for hours and hours total and I LOVED it.
Tony and I have decided that we are not having any more children. We are so happy with who we have, 2 amazing adorable healthy little miracles, who make us feel so blessed. There are many reasons not to add to our family, selfish ones, practical ones, health ones. And I am 90% happy with our decision, 90% of the time. I sometimes fantasise about having a 'second family' when these 2 start school, doing it all again, enjoying 1 or 2 new little miracles. But practically-wise, I know this will probably not happen. We will have moved on to that next stage of parenting, family activities and freedom.
But I have no doubt that for the rest of my life, 10% of me will want another baby or 2 or 3. Babies are so special and soft and cuddly. I know I was a good 'baby-mum', and I like to think it was not just because I had 'good' babies.
But bringing it back to where my mind started going this way today, the slings. If we never have another baby, I will probably never carry another baby in a sling. This makes me feel kind of sad and gives me a strange longing. To be getting ready to give my slings away really made me want to grab back the baby years, experience them again. I am giving all that stuff to my cousin, who at 37 is having her first baby and is so excited. I am thrilled for her and so glad that I can help her out as so many people who had finished with their family's baby years helped me.
But my slings. They are hard to give away. There is one that I will not. The big bit of material I will keep and hand it down to my kids, justifying to myself in the meantime that it can be used as a picnic blanket or something (it won't). Giving away my slings, those bits of material that gave me such closeness and bonding with my precious babies, that feels like a definite goodbye to my baby-mum years. Ah broodiness. Thank goodness I will always work with babies and children. Now, bring on the grandkids!