An Anniversary Gift

My husband gave me a special gift on our 5th wedding anniversary. It wasn't from the traditional gift list, nor was it from the modern list. Completely out of left field, he told me that he would very much like a 3rd child. After nearly 2 years of ranging from pretty sure to totally convinced that our boy and our girl were enough for us, that our family was complete, I was totally shocked and amazed. I don't know, however, whether I was more surprised at his revelation or at my reaction. I thought that I was completely decided, that I didn't have a doubt in my mind, that I was genuinely happy to have no more babies, to say goodbye to that part of my life. I didn't think I was fooling myself, choosing to pretend not to want something that wasn't on offer to me. I felt real in my decision that I was absolutely fulfilled with Michael and Chelsea.

However, when he dropped this bombshell on me, in a very sweet honest manner I might add, I felt like he had handed me a present on a platter. I felt blessed and excited that we might make another little person to love and cherish and 'grow up'. We spent lots of the next couple of days talking about it, often with me checking to make sure he was serious and then going through the reasons why NOT to have another baby, why another pregnancy and baby would be hard on us as a family.

He assured me that although another baby was what he would very much like, it was up to me and he wouldn't go through life feeling unfulfilled or sad or hold a grudge toward me if I chose that we would stop procreating. He promised never to joke or blame me in the future if I made the decision now to stop at two.

But my initial reaction, that feeling of being given the most amazing 5th anniversary gift ever, was my answer. Through all the reasons why not (and there are some pretty significant practical ones), I knew that my answer was going to be yes. It was obviously my gut reaction and I don't know how my sub-conscious had managed to hide it from me for all this time, but I have to go with it.

I had booked an appointment with my GP/Obstetrician a few weeks before, to talk about finished-having-babies stuff. So, only three days after the conversation opening my mind to a third child, I went off to that doctor to tell him that I made the appointment thinking we'd finished having children, but I'm now here as Tony has told me that he would like a third so could I please have my contraception removed. It felt kind of impulsive but I already had the appointment and figured I couldn't go back on a gut reaction; not to mention the fact that I couldn't continue to go through the yo-yo of yes/no's in my head that had been happening all weekend. Best to just go ahead, take the plunge, be un-contraception-ed, see what happens.
So WOW, we will have a third child, if nature takes the right course. WOW!

I'm still feeling a bit afraid, thinking of all the reasons why I've been happy to stop at two over the last year. But I keep coming back to the same conclusion; that all the reasons not to have a third are, for me, short-term and self-centred, while all the reasons that having a third is the way to go are long-term and HUGE. Another whole person in our family. The gift of life. The gift of being a mother to a whole other person. Huge.

The short-term selfish reasons include regaining some sense of our own individual lives over the past year, feeling rested and well-slept, feeling fit and healthy from hockey and triathlon training, having the best body-image (maybe the best body shape?) that I've ever had, fear that I will never regain this confidence or weight or fitness after another pregnancy and a more busy life. There's also the mere fact, as I wrote in my first blog, that Parenting is Hard, and that three is surely harder than two. Surely it's crazy to add another child to the mix when the current 2 sometimes drive me up the wall. Then there's the age of Michael and Chelsea at the moment, both getting older, more independent, things getting overall easier, holidays more possible, life basically in check. Then there's the financial stuff. And not to mention the fact that in the past, I've not been very energetic or healthy for some months in pregnancy and I'm not that pleasant when sleep-deprived, and Michael and Chelsea don't deserve a grumpy mum for the next few years; they deserve the very best of me.

But all of these reasons, some very good, some a little petty, are nothing compared to that gift of life. The gift of another person to love and cuddle and get to know and laugh with and bring up right. And although there is that question of whether it's fair to Michael and Chelsea to potentially add more stress to our lives, I also see it as a gift to them. They are both very special kids, very caring, gentle, kind. Michael took to being a big brother the second he met Chelsea, when he was only 22 months old. He has adored her for nearly all the minutes he has known her. They both look after each other and really care for each other. Chelsea has a very nurturing little personality, always looking after her 'babies', taking care of everyone, making sure that everyone around is being looked after. Over the last few months watching as she has grown into the mothering role with her dolls, I have felt sad at times that she would never get a little sibling of her own to love and adore. Now I feel so happy that we will give her that, and give Michael another. The gift of another forever friend to them.

I feel lucky that I honestly do not mind what gender we have. We have one of each, any new little person is just a bonus. A girl would be wonderful so Chelsea can have a sister (I think sisters can have a very special relationship). We can't think of a girl name though...hmm. A boy would be wonderful for lots of reasons too (just ask Tony!). We have a few boys' names to choose from. The old adage "as long as it's healthy" really stands true and I'm very thankful for that.

I know we're making a rash decision here, but I feel in my heart that it's the right one for us. I don't think I'm minimising the realities of adding another child to our family; I think we're just deciding that being realistic also involves the positive parts of it as well as the challenging parts. I'm excited and Tony's excited...hopefully, we're going to go forth and procreate!