Loving Two - Michael and Chelsea

The news that I was pregnant with baby no.2 earlier than we’d planned was the best Mother’s Day present ever but also quite scary. As the months progressed, I grew close to the little bump inside me and thought a lot about who it would be, but at the same time, there was guilt inside me that my special relationship with child no.1, only just one year old, would be changed forever. He was a wonder to his dad and me, a miracle who we were besotted with and very proud of. Our relationship was precious and close, and I worried about the changes his sibling would bring.

Then there was the guilt for baby no.2...how could I ever love him or her as much as I love child no.1? I had a dread that I wouldn’t be able to fulfil the most important role as a mum, to love my child unreservedly. I felt guilt at my concern that this new person would intrude on the special relationship that child no.1 and I shared.

But then, baby no.2 was born and the love I felt for her was as instant and complete as it had been 22 months earlier when child no.1 was born. Hormones came through for me and kick-started the journey of love, totally shocking me in its completeness. What hormones began, new little life in all her cuteness continued and I was besotted with her. In the 11 hours I had with her before taking her home to meet Child no.1, dozens of feelings were racing through me alongside new love. They were mostly happy and good, but also continuing guilt that I was betraying my firstborn with this love for my second, and fear that he would see that and thus feel betrayed, never to forgive me for my indiscretion.

I had no reason to worry. Child no.1 accepted his new baby sister into his world with excitement, joy, affection, love, curiousity, pride and protectiveness. She was immediately HIS, and it has remained that way since. My worries, fears and guilt were completely unfounded, as my firstborn had no hesitation in welcoming his sister into his life as his friend, playmate, giggler, partner in crime (against parents!) and pupil. There was no resentment, no acknowledgement that the love of his parents that was previously totally his is now shared. Perhaps parental love is never halved but the capacity the heart has for love doubles?

My most lasting impression from the journey of welcoming another member to our family is how I never even considered that we were giving Child no.1 a gift by having another baby. Although an optimistic person by nature, I could previously see only how everything from now on was going to be lessened as far as his world would be concerned... time, attention, love, patience. I failed to recognise that giving a child a sibling could be the most valuable present ever given. There’s more love, more company, more laughs, more adoration.
I also under-estimated, in my moments of guilt that baby no.2 would never have the experience of being a doted-on first child, just how much of an admirer role her big brother would take, giving her not 2 but 3 doters. He strokes her cheek lovingly, runs to her if she cries, lies with her and cuddles her gently. He shows off to her, doing anything in his power to make her chuckle, and then is so proud when she does. She has not only her mummy and daddy who are excited as she reaches each milestone, but a big brother too.
I watch as baby gazes in open amazement at her big brother, she totally adores him and it shows so openly in her little innocent face. I realise that there is nothing lost for either of them by becoming a big brother or by being the second child...they have in fact received their own special gifts as a consequence of being their place in the family. They may have to share our time and there never seems to be enough of it, but they also have each other’s time too. And not only do they not have to share our love, because there’s more than ever, but they receive each other’s love too, so love abounds like never before. 31st August 2008